The First Six Months…

The First Six Months…

July 30th marked the first six months of living our next chapter in Wisconsin.  Where do I begin?  Things are changing and I am trying to take it all in.  Jeff and I have no regrets of the move but we have both been in and out of depression at times as we navigate this new life and cut the cord to our Idaho life.  Its the only way to not look back and compare because there is so much more beauty to see and life to live.

Let me tell you, beauty is not lacking here !!  Ive felt and seen so much nostalgia to be hearts content and watched so many sunsets in six months than my first 51 years of life here on earth!.  I’m used to sunsets so grand with the smoke from the PNW fires and here they are grand with no fires.  Ive sat on peoples docks or in kayaks or simply driving and jaunting up a hill to catch the fall of the sun as it drops behind the landscape so I guess you would call me a chaser now.    I found a walking buddy and weve stayed committed to three days a week at 8:30 am and its almost always a shore path walk and we always shoot for 3 miles or more these mornings.  We have missed some for vacations and appointments but I have kept them up with the dogs or Jeff in the evenings as we try and figure out a new plan for him also.  For 16 years he has worked from home and was able to take a break in the middle of the day and get a walk in but now he dresses up everyday and drives 36 min to work and comes home around6-6:30 so he is trying to find balance too.

Weve had a handful of visitors or family and friends and a 75% finished house.  We will do a few projects to finish out some things but it will take more time.  I still have some empty wall space as i search for the perfect paintings or art work.  We love our home!! Weve walked to dinner, farmers markets, festivals, coffee, ice cream , sunsets and backyard parties.  Its one of my most favorite things here to be in the center of it all and still have a nice, quiet , peaceful yard.

Now to the heavy stuff……..IT IS NOT EASY…….I LOVE IT AND WE HAVE NO REGRETS…but its NOT EASY.    Ive struggled with starting over in relationships and especially in my peace within business.  Ive met fear again and “what is my purpose” again and Ive broken down and gotten back up and Im still trying to figure it all out .  Ive learned so much and am trying to get back to my big energy and big smiling self…I am not complaining at all.  On the flip side, I feel so lucky that we get a clean slate and new adventures and possibilities… IT really is the next chapter in so many ways and it makes one wonder and think so much that my sleep has been non exisitent for 6 months.  I cannot express enough the power of timing in life and how things really work the way they are gonna work and we really dont have much say in it.  You can have a vision and be positive and put it out there in the universe but ultimatly its something else that decides when we are ready for the next lesson.

Part of the struggle of adjusting is for me , is having some structure again and making time to work.  Currently I am trying to get my goods into stores again and I have had to make some changes out of my comfort zone.  Peace within has been around for 11 years and I have never raised my prices and have mostly broke even.  Part of change is at some point you have to stop serving others and serving yourself.  So I have just been getting it out in the open again and I raised my prices so that I can get ahead and be able to keep doing this thing called life and sharing my story.   Part of cutting the cord and moving forward was not wanting to lose old customers like you.   I have loved you for so long but I need to love myself also and we have no control of how people will react but those who respect you and relate will still follow.

I still have a long ways to go but wanted to share some words with you and hope that you understand and follow the journey of peace within.

Have a great week. xoxo

Moving on Up…The NEXT CHAPTER

Moving on Up…The NEXT CHAPTER

For the last couple of years there has been a slight chance we would have a huge life change on the horizon. My husband has been giving little hints of change in his workplace and opportunities we may have to take. He asked me if I would go along for the ride and he also said I was the only person he would want along for the ride….. So , after a new muffin top showed up on my midsection, I dealt with so many thoughts and fears and bits of change. Ive struggled and asked my friends to swear to secrecy the fact that we might be moving. Ive had many coffee conversations with a wide range of friends of all ages as I tried to grasp the meaning to all my thoughts and life’s twist in turns. Last week it became known that we for sure are leaving our beloved Coeur d Alene and moving to Lake Geneva , Wisconsin. I have no control over what life throws at me and being a daughter of a single Mom growing up, well I had to fight a lot inside to be okay with giving up all the control and my separate bank account dwindling.

Back to my beloved Coeur d Alene, where my heart and soul lies in the beauty of the Lake and the simple joys of nature I have great access to. I am giving up so many amazing relationships here that have made me a better person. This has been my growing up years and many discoveries were inspired by the beauty of the area. My business started here on my 40th bday. I became the “peace within girl” without a first name. My vintage shows and relationships started just meeting a girl named Kate, well two Kate’s and then being introduced to Serena Thompson and Terri Edwards of the Farm Chicks. That started it all as I expanded my reach and met amazing people who inspired my artistic talents and food for thought.

The amazing relationships Ive made here, they’ve taught me so much about just the little things life teaches you. So now as I sit and ponder the next Chapter of our lives, I feel lost at times because I don’t know what the future looks like and that is scary. I don’t know who I’m gonna be in a new town that knows nothing about peace within . I don’t know where we are gonna live, whose going to cover my gray hairs once a month, whose gonna have coffee with me? let alone my coffee shop. Whose gonna have a romp with my border collies and how am I going to iron dress shirts and sports coats for the hubby each day? All these unknowns just to name a few.

But as you know, I am a positive person and I will just be me and watch how the chapter unfolds. Ill be mindful of my fears and my breathing. Ill catch myself when I start thinking a small business name defines who I am. Ill remember all the love and passion I have for people and learn to have it for myself, muffin top and all. Ill take care of that as things settle and I will always have a smile on my face and spread peace within and positive energy everywhere because my energy and my thoughts are who I really am.

Thank you Coeur d Alene, heart of the awl. Thank you all my friends for your love for me and my business. Please don’t go away, Ill be online still and return to the Great Pacific Northwest when we retire . Adios for now and see you on the wide world of internet.

Everything is happening as it should.

Everything is happening as it should.

Today I went to a local coffee house to get out of the house and get some inspiration going which usually works.   After two hours of not being able to focus and avoiding a parking ticket I got back on my scooter to head home.  A lady talking on her phone and enjoying her acai bowl caught my eye.   I slowed down and pulled over, not sure if it was who I thought it was and then she looked at me staring.  She then waved and I felt safe enough that it was her.   We caught up after not being able to keep an engagement the weekend before .  I wanted more time but she was on a lunch break.   She gave me a paper that was folded and said , “read that when you get home”  She beat me to it and sent another copy to my email .  She told me she read it to her friends last night during a toast.  When I started to read it , it started to make sense and I thought she was the narrator but it was someone else.  It felt like her writing but I found out it just moved her and gave her inspiration for her own journey and it gave her validation I am guessing because it was soo good and I don’t believe any of us should change who we are, nope, NOT ONE BIT.   We can change our way of thinking and stop the negative self talk.  We can admit we are “too much ” woman as the poem was about.  We can own and validate our own strength and sit in it.  We have to in order to rise.

Anyways, my day turned around after meeting with this friend and it inspired me to get some material out , which is what my goal was anyways.  My point being , is I’m still feeling stuck and trying to make sense of what I have to learn right now for my own personal journey and its such a testament to the fact that life works with you and not against you.  You have to be big enough and own your own shit to see it this way.  As I titled this blog,  “everything is happening as it should” well that is what my friend wrote about me, how we met and learned from each other when we most needed it.  Well , it goes both ways.  I am learning from her also.  We all learn from eachother and these relationships we have come and go and some stay forever but none of them are bad or mistakes .

To change the subject a little or simply another thought has swirled around in me head lately that kind of relates to the above or could be totally different but I will keep writing as I got a good start.

Last week, I spent five days in Montana with my sweet little family that contains, two dogs and a stressed out Husband.  ( He has been overwhelmed with way too much work) Anyways , I got to Montana with about five books so that I could read what I was in the mood for.  I have been reading a book by Chrissy Metz, the star of “THis is US” a current television hit and everyone’s favorite Tuesday night show.   She was talking about her relationship with her Dad.  In the short sentence , a big huge light bulb went off for me…..

She seems to have spent a good chunk of life as a people pleaser which I vowed to stop being when I turned 50 .  Anyways, she was taking of the lack of relationship with her Dad and was trying to remember positive moments and her words went like this,

“I didn’t see my own accomplishment; I saw my Fathers reaction to my accomplishment”

This really struck a nerve with me on my trip and I dog eared the section because I didnt have anything with me to write it down or save it.   How many times in our lives have we done things , great things where we have RISEN or not RISEN and didnt see the accomplishment???????  How many times have we lived in the shadow of our own RISING moments?  HOW many times have we spent our days thinking of the reactions and not living in the MOMENTS ????   I personally can think of very specific moments where I just wasted so much self sabotaging and thoughts so negative to myself that I had no idea I was doing it.   I may have re done something to make it more perfect in order to get a different reaction or action to get validation for my accomplishment in fact I probably still do it….   Ive never strived to be perfect but I read the other day from yet another strong women, being BRENE BROWN about learning that perfectionism is an ARMOUR she said …”Its not internally driven like healthy striving, its extremely driven and fueled  by “what will people think”

SO powerful !!! and something to ponder.

In closing for today’s thoughts of mine and tying this all together….. Make sure you realize the moments when you stop to visit quickly with a friend or life has thrown you a curve ball. These moments are part of the lesson for your journey and they are sometimes little hugs from the universe or the angels watching over you…. They are little ah HAS….to get you moving forward.  You must still RISE and RISE OTHERS , you must ….you just MUST…and of course know that EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING AS IT SHOULD.

This inspired me to change some wording on my street fair event .  I have some new hoodies coming for Fall and they have a wave in the pic.  I changed up my wording to “make your waves” peace within …. Because we have to not play small and continue with being who we really are.

Boundaries or Bust!

Boundaries or Bust!

IMG_7391 copy

Came across this amazing quote today from my friend Kristin.  We do a lot of shows together and every couple of months or so we have gotten together midway from our houses and met at a local Starbucks to visit.  There has been times where we have talked for five hours straight without a hitch and a bathroom break.  Anyways, Ill write about her one of these days but our last visit had us both taking notes from each other and today she sent this quote.  Its rare I write back to back on the blog but this one stated it so well.

“The only people who get upset when you set boundaries are the ones who benefited from you having none.”

BOOM!  this calls for me to share some more stories and some growth for all of us!

We were talking about our past relationships with family and our friends but this quote applies to all of our relationships in this lifetime of ours.  We talked about the journey each of us has gone with our relationships and I bought up that they are what makes this life of ours a learning curve and a journey.   Can you imagine not passing another human and engaging in convo and either connecting or just making a new aquaintance?   I assure you , there are people who live far away from crowds and as much as I love my relationships and social life, I have spent some days or weeks where I just wanted to crawl in my safety spot at home and be anti-social  or not deal with the outside world of my comfort of home.   If your like me and experiencing 50 , you may or may not have ended your people pleasing days……I have to admit, Ive closed that book and I am working my way out and becoming….. WHO I REALLY AM… apologies , no regrets and heavens ….WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE.   I am all about teaching the unbecoming project and unearthing the ins and outs of our relationships.  Ive seen my husband and family and friends establish respect in the workforce or with family. Ive seen that it is not always easy but it has to be done.   If we do not take that step to build the BOUNDARIES then how are we gonna gain respect from others ?  MOST OF ALL HOW WILL WE BE ABLE TO RESPECT OURSELVES?????   I can think of three or four instances lately , especially in my business endeavors of where I was able to ask or place boundaries in such a way that there was no emotional attachment to it.  This is key, as “confidence is silent and insecurities is loud ”

I shared with Kristin my times when I went to the old way of thinking when past relationships were ended , not by choice , but they dissapeared into the universe and as sad as it was, it was a part of my journey.   When you get mature and start respecting yourself first then, and only then can you move through life a little easier and your relationships become fewer but with more meaning and a whole lot more LOVE.  People pleasers tend to hold onto these past relationships and try to dissect them to find out what really went wrong.  Such a waste of time but it is part of life.

So  boundaries are really not negatives  or awkwardness.  They really are ones way of respecting both parties and moving forward to change.  When you meet or come to a fork in the road of life or with your relationships, take kindly to the paths that lead to your heart and soul.  Its the only way to live and the only way to walk this earth as your authentic self.

Lastly, as yesterdays post was an Amy Poehler quote, ” It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry about.”  Do  not beat yourself up, these quotes and this life of ours are just little messages and signs to growth and purpose.  Most of all this gives meaning and puts perspective on the fact that everything that happens to you is not negative or a setback.  Growth is recognizing that the challenges are there to show you where you have come and makes life anything but boring.

Together as women, we RISE…. savor those coffee shop talks with your girlfriends! xoxo to you @Kristin Johnson  aka SISTERS CREED.

Unlearning what you’ve learned

Unlearning what you’ve learned

“It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be  sorry about.” 

About three years ago I was just approaching 47 and came up with my “change your story” collection for peace within apparel. It has changed designs and templates but the lesson and the story have remained the same.  I have personally changed a lot of my stories now that I am 50 but it isn’t always a quick switcheroo.
In my annual camps, we have discussed changing the things that havn’t worked for us in the past and or some they have been clouded by fear or they just got distracted and didn’t like change.
For a woman, I find it so valuable to change the way we think and do things because most likely the generations that have marched before us aren’t going to change.  I think a big part of our lives are spent blaming and hoping that things change on their own. Depending on what they are , most things stay the same but life in general is an journey of changes and lessons to get you to change how you see and react to things that touch you emotionally inside.  I have always sought the wisdom of those older than me, thinking they would all be ahead of the game called life.  From my journey and experience, age has nothing to do with it. There are generations of ladies that I interact with that still hold onto things from their past and even though I respect their journey I sometimes cringe inside thinking, “why are they so stuck in their stories “??????? . Don’t get me wrong here, I am not a perfect cookie or a know at all but I have spent so much time perfecting my craft and Ive been on both sides of the grass!  Sometimes in the passion of my heart and soul I have gone too far with always a good intention but it ended up hurting the other person and changing the course of the friendship.
When you are questioning your relationships with others , you are usually right.  Depending on who you are and if you are a people pleaser, your going to experience life through your relationships .  They can be beneficial in so many ways !  Good and Bad , these relationships teach you how to “unlearn what you have been taught “.
I grew up with a lot of love and freedom to be who I was but I also grew up with a lot of criticism and judgement so my life’s journey this far has been changing the people pleasing to pleasing myself and those close to me.  The journey has been unlearning to love more and judge less.  To meet people where they are at and to smile gracefully in return.
Changing your story is unlearning and unbecoming who you really are.  Its a constant game you have to play until you realize how your thinking affects your actions and your triggers .
I started the unbecoming project as a way to help others examine their relationships so that they can be more authentic with themselves.  IT IS THE KEY TO EVERYTHING.
Get your change your story shirt or email me if you want to do sessions in private.
Happy Monday my friends!

Stop the sugar coating relationships

Stop the sugar coating relationships

Lately as life is blooming with the spring flowers and sunny days, I I’ve gotten out more to enjoy some of my favorite things that make me happy like the great outdoors !  On the other hand its like the “bears” are coming out of hibernation, which they are . The real bears!  But what I’m talking about here is simply the humans are coming out and trying to figure what path to choose on life after a long winters nap.

Its been frustrating feeling stuck in my own goals and having experiences that are certainly here to teach me something but I want the long story short!
The most important aspect of life seems to be our relationships with family and friends. Co workers,acquaintances, etc and it seems we are all just trying to juggle them so that they have meaning and a purpose.  We are trying to categorize them and put them in boxes to our own comfort zones.  What if all of these are just life’s little messages hidden behind faces and brains you cannot see unless you open them up.  What about the ones you’ve spent so much time with but they have never opened? What if they are the kind where you have to walk on eggshells and or ones that make you feel like you cannot be 100% yourself around?
I find that we spend a lot of time thinking about these things and they are no different than other distractions or things that life brings and has to teach us.
My peeve personally these days are the relationships that are based on telling you what they think you want to hear but you know very well that isn’t really how they feel.   What does this feeling bring to you ? Its raising your trust radar and blinking a light really fast .  Is this real love ? real friendship?   The answer lies in YOU …if you are feeling this way and observing these traits your probably in a really good place and you recognize the importance of your own time and feelings.  What are you doing about it ?  Are you staying stuck in your ways and sweeping it under the rug?  Is that person ever going to change ?  Probably not. Only you can change.  Only you can get to a point where you take control of your thoughts and your old habits.  This applies to everything in life and all relationships.  This doesn’t mean you close your heart up a little and shield  your fears.  It doesn’t mean you stop talking to the person or putting yourself on a pedestal.  It means simply , you made a boundary that you established for yourself and for them.  You are respecting yourself and them.  They may not know it right now and they may never will.  The moral of the story is this…life is just floating by and its in all the flowers of Spring. all the people you meet and have known, all the relationships and hardships. All the journeys and triumphs the highs and lows of each day.
Go be a good person.  Be a kind one. Be YOU so you don’t have to waste time juggling others behaviors and journeys.  Do not play small when you know someone isn’t being authentic…you ll waste years of your life.  Call people on their shit!

Safety first?? I think NOT..

Safety first?? I think NOT..

I remember being that non go with the flow girl of the late 80’s in High School. I was so paranoid about getting into a car with someone drinking or whoever was driving for that matter. I had to have ALL the details of who , what , where and how things were gonna happen.  I was so afraid of getting in trouble that I never really did.  I always went the SAFE route but that doesn’t mean I didn’t take risks or be the first to do crazy things with my siblings…. Kinda contradicting but it boiled down to being in control somehow and I am pretty sure I developed all this from having been bought up by a single parent and having another sibling that went to prison.  I never saw my mother cry ! Only two times in her lifetime.  As vulnerable as I have been for many years , she was NOT.  She cried when the authorities called and told her she may need to put the house up for collateral or the time she ended a long term relationship and we were on our own again.  I never wanted to dissapoint her or anyone else for that matter, hence the begining of the people pleasing skills and the loyal to a fault skills were started at such a young age.

Fast forward to me a quarter into my 50’s and teaching and inspiring and learning to do opposite of what safety entailed.

As an adult we are stuck with all our lessons and trials and tribulations. We are here with our experiences and our journeys as well as our pain.  This is all so much more fulfilling and forward moving that one must realize to thank all our fears and mistakes because there in the palm of your hands lie the answers!!

It seems that all the good stuff comes around 50 and so I’ve embraced what it has to teach as I begin to be comfortable being grounded or in flight.  I now see and learn from writers like Brene Brown and being a constant observer and wisdom seeking nutso. I find that I’m smiling more and loving spur of the moments and life little lessons that appear in daily life. ( if you are open to SEEING, they ARE THERE)

I learned that all this SAFETY and shields from our fears are actually nets we throw over our heads , and they lead to some of the biggest , unhealthiest creators of whats keeping you from moving ahead.  They show up in ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, EATING DISORDERS, ADDICTIONS, RAGE and blaming whomever is nearest you!

Lately the weather has sucked out the joy in me occasionally and I have tried to find ways to find joy in the day. (puppies help a lot until they scratch your face and form scars)  When I was going to counseling five years ago I remember her suggesting the gift of giving back or making others happy for in return, your gain is more than your gift.

Anyways, if we are going to play board games we ARE following the rules….I play Safe in that instant.